What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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