You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
