Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize