So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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