the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
