Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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