my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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