Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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