I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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