Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
