thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
