there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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