Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
