Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize