You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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