Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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