So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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