I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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