I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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