Pants 0. Shit 1.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
