I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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