Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize