i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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