So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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