this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
