So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
