How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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