i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
