One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
