No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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