if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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