Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate all girls vehemently.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
