Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize