Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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