Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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