Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
