Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
