Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
