Welp...herpes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
