I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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