I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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