"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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