White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Houston, we have a blender
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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