cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
