He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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