well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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