So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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