At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
did i just pee glitter
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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