Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
