Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
