i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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