I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
