just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
