im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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