Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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