No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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