It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
