question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
