I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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