He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
