Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
