Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
