whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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