Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
