Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
